"Can you listen to what I am saying?"
"That is not the point."
"That is not what I am saying!"
"You missed the point! "
Have you used or had these statements said to you in a conversation? If you have, there are chances that you are a victim of switch-tracking. What is switch-tracking, you ask?
What is it?
In many situations, when receiving feedback on a subject we do not like about ourselves, we either mentally or verbally switch the conversation to what is wrong with other people. When this happens, the conversation most often goes off-topic.
Let me give an example to make it easier to understand switch-tracking.
supervisor : I have received your report, Morris, which was a day late. I have several changes that I need made before noon which is when I forward the report to the regional sales head.
Morris: It is late because I had to stand in for Alice’s client call yesterday afternoon
Supervisor: You had a full week to work on it. Let us focus on the changes Morris.
Morris: But you don’t seem to understand that I cannot cover for Alice and get my tasks done as well...
...After they review the changes.
Morris (Either thinks or says ): I do not think these changes need to be made, I think you are being too picky. I think I did a pretty good job given my time-constraints.
You may not immediately realize it but from the above conversation extract, there are two topics.
1. The main topic: changes to be made in the report.
2. The switched topic: Morris’s inability to cover for Alice.
The supervisor stays on track. However, Morris switches and drifts off to another topic. The drift is his reaction to the feedback and, more so, the feedback he has for the supervisor. The unfortunate part is that when we are in a similar situation, we do not realize that we are going in a different direction. The person you are getting feedback from might not also be aware of what is happening.
At times, we may not be in a position to speak out our thoughts to the person giving feedback as they may be above us in a hierarchy. When this happens, our minds unconsciously reply. Statements such as “it is not my fault,” “you are even worse than I am,” and “I can’t believe you are this unprofessional “ occupy our thoughts, and that makes the situation worse. This silent switch tracking makes us lose attention, we stop listening and communication stops.
Now that you understand switch-tracking, you must be wondering how to spot it and what the solution to better feedback giving and receiving is. To begin with, you must pay close attention to the elements of the conversation and be on the lookout for possible switch tracks. One of the ways I find effective is if and when in a feedback conversation, resist the temptation to think about what is going on in the other person's head, especially negative thoughts, and actively listen to what they say. Remember, if you don’t listen, you end up unnecessarily questioning the motif of the person giving you feedback which causes you to drift instead of evaluating the feedback.
Lesson: Feedback and advice are important dynamics in any relationship. When we communicate better, we improve our relations. Switch-tracking can also be a clue that there is a relationship issue sitting beneath the feedback that is worthy of being attended to–and might be even more important than what the feedback seems to be about. When giving or receiving advice and feedback, be careful, Stop, listen, and pay attention to the advice.
Leave your advice, questions, and suggestions in the comments below. Thanks for reading. I hope you have learned something !❤️